RESTAURANT PROTOCOL
We have this unusual environment. Lots of indications that the economy is moving ahead nicely, regardless of the empty storefronts which dot the landscape. Most germane to this modest tutorial is that restaurants seemingly have ceased training their servers, apparently out of gratitude that the latter have graced the establishment with their sheer presence.
Into this void I offer a few observations and suggestions.
*My little group, typically four, has arrived a touch later than the lunchtime rush or a touch early for the evening crowd. Of, let’s say, 20 tables, there are only four occupied, all in the same section. The hostess attempts to see us in that area. I say “No, could we please sit over there.”
We know what is going on – seating for the convenience of the server and/or to keep servers from complaining to the hostess about fairness in seating. However, I believe that as the paying customer who keeps both server and hostess employed, I get to choose where we sit.
*We still have mouthfuls of the entrée in our mouths when the server asks if we will be wanting anything else. Impolite on one count, absurd on a second count considering the timing, and self-defeating on a third count as it reduces the chances of ordering dessert. Which means a lesser check and a proportionally lesser gratuity.
*Adding insult to the above error is actually putting the check on the table at that time, usually with the silly verbiage, “no hurry, whenever you are ready.” Don’t hurry the customer and deny you are doing so simultaneously.
*On occasion, I pay for my meal in cash. The cashier would assist the server and the customer at the same time by giving change which recognizes the expectation of a gratuity being left on the table. If the check is $29.50 and a $50 bill is used in payment, the cashier should not return a $20 bill and two quarters. They should return a $10, a $5, five one-dollar bills and two quarters. This way the customer can leave a gratuity anywhere from four to nine dollars (ignoring less likely combinations) without having to flag down the server for the run to the cashier to break the $20 bill.
*It is not unusual for a meal to have a portion beyond the reasonable capability of an ordinary sized person to consume it comfortably. Which means a box for carry-out is in order. The server should not make any suggestion about said box until it is crystal clear that a need exists.
*One way for a server to understand the dynamics of each table is to have rotating eyes when walking through their section, even while on their way to a specific table. This observation technique simply gives them a fast picture of where each table is in their unique combination of eating and conversing.
*A contemporary twist on serving is the couple, or more, whose attention is their phones, not the food or the conversation. Bring their food as fast as possible. They are not there for a relaxing meal.
*Unless there is a specific signal from the customer, do not clear their dishes while others at the table are still eating. It is another silent indication that the server would like to move the table along; the common verbiage of, “it will give you more room” is nonsense, unless of course the customer feels the need to put both arms up to their shoulders on the table.